The Hilarious Perils of Online Dating: Men’s Side of the Story

Hot Date

Which gender is worse when it comes to this? The conservatives would say it’s women, the liberals would insist it’s men, but I say it’s BOTH! Ha ha!

I love the College Humor site! It’s funny and gives you good insights into everyday aspects of life that we’ve all noticed and lived through. It’s an entertaining alternative to dry scholarly examinations of how people behave in our present day consumerist society that are penned by psychologists and sociologists. The article lists that use sequential art-based scenarios to provide side-splitting examples of the topic at hand are among the best of what this site’s content scribed by wryly observant authors has to offer.

Recently as of this writing, we got a nice little gem entitled “Pros and Cons: Online Dating” by Amelia B and Paul Westover. Really great and hilariously informative stuff, especially this part:

Online Dating from College HumorOnline Dating - Pros and Cons02

LMFAO!!! Yes, all ladies who have frequented dating sites or apps have dealt with the typical sleazebag, one-track-mind type of guy with deceptive advertising on sites like OKCupid, Tinder, etc. No argument there.


“Geez, it sure doesn’t help my image to share a nom du guerre  with guys like that!”

So what is the “problem” with the above, if any? Well, just a minor little one: the total lack of balance. Yes, heterosexual women go through lots of shit with the “creepers” from these sites who advertise themselves as stand-up guys, but turn out to be… well, something different. But what we don’t see here, or in too many other places in our PC-conscious world, is the type of female creeps that heterosexual men routinely meet on such dating sites/apps. These female “creepettes” (did I just coin some new slang here? Go me!) also have their atrocious share of issues and one-track-mindedness, albeit most often in different or opposite directions to those of their male counterparts.

Let’s add some balance to the “social atrocity” scale by giving some typical message responses heterosexual men all too often get from the creepettes when they contact women who advertise themselves on these dating sites:

1. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Hey babe! Would you like to watch me get busy with myself on cam? Only $30.00 for 30 minutes, and I’ll do some rilly rilly naughty shit for you!

2. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Will u plz rate my pics? Go to Plz give me 5 rating and share with ur friends!

3. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: WTF!!?? I don’t know you, asshole! Are you some sorta creeper?!

4. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: *Sigh* That is sooooo unoriginal! Fuk offf!

5. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Hi.

Man: It’s nice to meet you. Can you tell me a bit about yourself?

Creepette response: [no further response, even if she initiated the conversation]

6. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Can you plz do me a favor? Can you send me 1 thou amerikan dollars so I can gett a plain ride out of my kountry and can come and meet you? I look so forward to meeting u are such my knight!

[Yes, some of the above swindlers are men pretending to be women, but some have proven to be women by actually encouraging their male victims to travel to meet them first, or actually showing up in this country if they successfully bilk some naive lonely fool schmuck, and then continue to bilk him in a faux “relationship” until they get their green card. On other occasions, such common false advertising on dating sites that target lonely heterosexual men are the work of a man and woman working together — a lethal creeper and creepette team-up!]

7. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Um… fine? Can I help you?

8. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Just so you know, I’m only looking for friends here.

Man: Alright, nothing wrong with just wanting friends, but if that’s what you’re looking for, then why put up a profile on the Dating section of the site instead of the Just Friends section that is specifically designed for people looking for something platonic rather than romantic?

Creepette response #1: Oh, I see, so you’re only looking for a girlfriend! You can’t accept just a friend! No wonder you don’t have anyone, you’re a self-centered dick!

Creepette response #2: Fuk off, asshole! No one uses any section of this site to look for more than just friends cause yer a total loser if you need a website to find romance and can’t do it in person!

Man: As opposed to needing a website like this to find platonic friends in the era of Facebook, Twitter, Google Groups, Tumblr, Reddit, etc., etc.?

Creepette response: Shut up and fuk off!! [ends conversation]

9. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: No, I don’t want to cyber with u asshole!

Man: I wasn’t looking for cyber, I was looking for romance, and I’m trying to meet someone and get to know them since this is, you know, a Dating site?

Creepette response: Bullshit no man ever messages for anything other than 2 cyber ur obvously a creeper fukk off and die!!

10. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: That makes you sound like a misogynist who is trying to disempower me! And don’t try to mansplain your way out of it, it’s obvious you’re an oppressive beneficiary of the patriarchy!

female Joker

“Message me… I DARE you! *evil Joker laugh*”

Yup, guys have quite the experience on these dating sites and apps too. I just wish I was exaggerating the above! You just gotta love the mutually competitive, as opposed to reciprocally conciliatory,  nature of the genders under a system that encourages competition and one-upmanship in all aspects of life, huh?


Author: godofthunder85

I'm a published author and freelance editor who has a strong opinion on just about anything I have an opinion on... which is just about everything! I'm very non-PC, heavily into progressive politics, and stand up for what I believe in no matter what the cost or level of popularity. My published work is in the genres of horror, sci-fi, and pulp adventure. I'm a life-long comic book fan and a researcher of the paranormal.

8 thoughts on “The Hilarious Perils of Online Dating: Men’s Side of the Story”

  1. It’s a good thing I’m happily married as I don’t think I’d be good at dating the way it is nowadays. I dated back in the 1980s when things were considerably a lot less complicated when it came to dating.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you liked the post, and I thank you for saying so! And yup, I totally couldn’t resist using this topic and a popular slang word connected to it to give some deserved publicity to Jack Ryder’s alter-ego, who was The Creeper long before the first sleazy online guy became a creeper! Perhaps all the online sleazebags of both genders should start painting their hair green and their skin yellow to give due homage to Mr. Ryder 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Myself, I was never a fan of Ditko’s Ayn Rand-derived objectivist ideology, but I do appreciate the work he did on Spider-Man and the classic Charlton characters like the Silver Age Blue Beetle and the Question. The Creeper is indeed a truly underrated character from DC’s stable that would make a terrific TV series if done correctly. His depiction in that episode of the animated Batman series where the screen shot I used was taken from was awesomely over the top and way cool for fans to behold!


  3. Great post…..this definitely shines a nice big spotlight on the advantages of marriage. My wife and I spend tons of quality time together laughing our asses off at these insane people.


    1. Thank you for reading, Brian, and glad you enjoyed the post with my long-winded, opinionated insights 😛 No doubt many happily married people find what chronically single and searching people routinely go through to be both sad and hilarious, which makes you appreciate all the more your good fortune to have found someone perfect for you so you do not have to go through this nonsense 🙂


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