The Hilarious Perils of Online Dating: Men’s Side of the Story

Hot Date

Which gender is worse when it comes to this? The conservatives would say it’s women, the liberals would insist it’s men, but I say it’s BOTH! Ha ha!

I love the College Humor site! It’s funny and gives you good insights into everyday aspects of life that we’ve all noticed and lived through. It’s an entertaining alternative to dry scholarly examinations of how people behave in our present day consumerist society that are penned by psychologists and sociologists. The article lists that use sequential art-based scenarios to provide side-splitting examples of the topic at hand are among the best of what this site’s content scribed by wryly observant authors has to offer.

Recently as of this writing, we got a nice little gem entitled “Pros and Cons: Online Dating” by Amelia B and Paul Westover. Really great and hilariously informative stuff, especially this part:

Online Dating from College HumorOnline Dating - Pros and Cons02

LMFAO!!! Yes, all ladies who have frequented dating sites or apps have dealt with the typical sleazebag, one-track-mind type of guy with deceptive advertising on sites like OKCupid, Tinder, etc. No argument there.

Creeper01

“Geez, it sure doesn’t help my image to share a nom du guerre  with guys like that!”

So what is the “problem” with the above, if any? Well, just a minor little one: the total lack of balance. Yes, heterosexual women go through lots of shit with the “creepers” from these sites who advertise themselves as stand-up guys, but turn out to be… well, something different. But what we don’t see here, or in too many other places in our PC-conscious world, is the type of female creeps that heterosexual men routinely meet on such dating sites/apps. These female “creepettes” (did I just coin some new slang here? Go me!) also have their atrocious share of issues and one-track-mindedness, albeit most often in different or opposite directions to those of their male counterparts.

Let’s add some balance to the “social atrocity” scale by giving some typical message responses heterosexual men all too often get from the creepettes when they contact women who advertise themselves on these dating sites:

1. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Hey babe! Would you like to watch me get busy with myself on cam? Only $30.00 for 30 minutes, and I’ll do some rilly rilly naughty shit for you!

2. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Will u plz rate my pics? Go to http://www.iamsohot.com. Plz give me 5 rating and share with ur friends!

3. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: WTF!!?? I don’t know you, asshole! Are you some sorta creeper?!

4. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: *Sigh* That is sooooo unoriginal! Fuk offf!

5. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Hi.

Man: It’s nice to meet you. Can you tell me a bit about yourself?

Creepette response: [no further response, even if she initiated the conversation]

6. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Can you plz do me a favor? Can you send me 1 thou amerikan dollars so I can gett a plain ride out of my kountry and can come and meet you? I look so forward to meeting u are such my knight!

[Yes, some of the above swindlers are men pretending to be women, but some have proven to be women by actually encouraging their male victims to travel to meet them first, or actually showing up in this country if they successfully bilk some naive lonely fool schmuck, and then continue to bilk him in a faux “relationship” until they get their green card. On other occasions, such common false advertising on dating sites that target lonely heterosexual men are the work of a man and woman working together — a lethal creeper and creepette team-up!]

7. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Um… fine? Can I help you?

8. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: Just so you know, I’m only looking for friends here.

Man: Alright, nothing wrong with just wanting friends, but if that’s what you’re looking for, then why put up a profile on the Dating section of the site instead of the Just Friends section that is specifically designed for people looking for something platonic rather than romantic?

Creepette response #1: Oh, I see, so you’re only looking for a girlfriend! You can’t accept just a friend! No wonder you don’t have anyone, you’re a self-centered dick!

Creepette response #2: Fuk off, asshole! No one uses any section of this site to look for more than just friends cause yer a total loser if you need a website to find romance and can’t do it in person!

Man: As opposed to needing a website like this to find platonic friends in the era of Facebook, Twitter, Google Groups, Tumblr, Reddit, etc., etc.?

Creepette response: Shut up and fuk off!! [ends conversation]

9. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: No, I don’t want to cyber with u asshole!

Man: I wasn’t looking for cyber, I was looking for romance, and I’m trying to meet someone and get to know them since this is, you know, a Dating site?

Creepette response: Bullshit no man ever messages for anything other than 2 cyber ur obvously a creeper fukk off and die!!

10. Man: Hi, I’m Chris, how are you doing?

Creepette response: That makes you sound like a misogynist who is trying to disempower me! And don’t try to mansplain your way out of it, it’s obvious you’re an oppressive beneficiary of the patriarchy!

female Joker

“Message me… I DARE you! *evil Joker laugh*”

Yup, guys have quite the experience on these dating sites and apps too. I just wish I was exaggerating the above! You just gotta love the mutually competitive, as opposed to reciprocally conciliatory,  nature of the genders under a system that encourages competition and one-upmanship in all aspects of life, huh?

Advertisements